I will admit, I am slightly drunk right now.
This blog has gotten me into trouble.
Because I tend to vent about my problems on it.
And the one person who subscribed to it must have read it.
I used to have these 2 really good friends.
But things happen and friendships end. New ones start, people change, and things can never go back to the way they were. No matter how much we pretend. Or pretend to pretend.
I will not say that I am sorry for what happened, nor will I ask to be forgiven. Or blame anyone else. It's not an issue about who was right and who was wrong. Everyone is wrong. Everything is wrong.
The only thing I am sorry for is that I am the way that I am. And I shouldn't be sorry for myself.
And that I am determined to change and I will change.
There are a lot of things in my life that I still have to work on, and no one except me really knows the extent, so I don't expect anyone else to really understand what I am going through right now.
I am finally going to do something about it.
I know this probably doesn't make any sense right now, but it doesn't matter because no one reads this anyway.
But this is for myself. So that I can look back and remember that I am going to go through with this, and I'm not going to let things go right back to the way they were. I cannot let this happen anymore.
I won't let my family history get me. I won't let myself become part of the cycle.
I honestly cannot explain what the fuck I am even talking about, and it doesn't matter if anyone else knows or not. I am tired of worrying so much about other people when I need to focus myself more than ever right now.
I am sorry.
I am sorry that I cannot be sorry.
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